I’m seeking representation for my debut novel, Tits (80,000 words), a sultry exploration of desire, aging, and motherhood—somewhere between Wellness by Nathan Hill and a literary Fifty Shades of Grey.

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Eliza Brown’s life is mostly fine. 

At thirty-nine, she has met all her developmental milestones: three wonderful-ish kids, a suburban home that photographs well, and Will, the long-suffering husband who still adores her, even when she’s only half listening. She’s not unhappy, exactly, but somewhere between her daily step count and maintenance sex, Eliza has vanished. Her body feels foreign. Her days are beige. Nothing ever happens to her anymore. Until one August afternoon, when she tells a friend a long-forgotten story—wild, outrageous, and meant to amuse—and finds herself wanting proof that it actually happened.

On impulse, she emails Sam—the much older, much richer man at the center of it, who, in another lifetime, taught her how to make a proper BLT, to distrust Côtes du Rhône by the glass, and other things best unremembered. Born of boredom and longing, the message catapults her past into the present, threatening the carefully curated life she’s worked so hard to want. 

What follows is a darkly funny, painfully honest unraveling that leads Eliza and her bewildered family to Nosara, Costa Rica, a wellness mecca promising transformation, enlightenment, and possibly, salvation. But in a town where green juice costs more than therapy and everyone has a guru, Eliza must finally confront a truth she has been running from her whole life.

Tits is a novel about the fantasy of escape, the grief of growing older, and the quiet, defiant act of wanting more. Perfect for fans of All Fours, TITS examines the minefield of modern womanhood with biting humor, depth, and surprising hope.